An eye-opener indeed... That's how I felt after this afternoon's workshop.

I can only smile when reading the comments from others.... well, of course all their comments about me is true as it only asked about behavioural perspectives of myself rather than how I work...

There's a lot of things that I need to learn to improve, on my part, to improve my self... wow... that's how people judge me.... well, only Allah can judge that's what I understand and learn but not from people... as humans make mistakes too... imperfections make people unique in their own ways... their specialties in some areas may cover their imperfections, but it's how others see one person as an individual makes the difference...

I'm yet to discover the part of me that has always been asked to be changed, yes, people asked me to change... to help me be my positive side... and not stay the way I was before... yup, people are trying to make me see who I am so that I can be a better person... I guess I'm a bad person all this while, that people are afraid to talk to me, or work with me... and that I got from my dear friends... Thank you all for telling me this important fact about myself... I love all three of you, my dear ladies and gentleman... :-) Without your understanding of my own behavioural self, I wouldn't be able to mirror all the details of myself, coz infact in everybody, there are parts of myself are not visible to myself without looking directly at the mirror...

Ah yes, I admit that all are true, and I can feel that I'm drawn towards a continuous depression and lack of self-esteem... I'm poor in my communication skills, hahaha... I don't communicate well or politely with others... my language is too "western" I guess, as I do not think about how other people feel when I talk to them... don't agree with that? That reminds me of a powerpoint slide that my boss had sent me a few months back, comparison between western people and eastern people, how they communicate and work with others... I guess how I was taught and learnt in the past was merely following to the non-eastern type... usually they do not care about your feelings... and it's like a competition, see who's the best, and that person will win... if you don't like it, then they won't work together... hahaha... too much of that ruins my interpersonal relationship with people at my workplace... Bad influence huh... I hope I can change to a better eastern people style... being more caring, concern, compassion, empathy, sympathy, understanding others feelings (regardless of mine) and more of a listening kind of person (I guess now I will not talk much but more towards listening)... So guys, I won't be giving ideas as often as before, I will let others do the talking, while I listen and digest everything...
It will make me who I was before, i.e. 10 years before, a shy lady who only speak when asked...

We learn from mistakes, and I learn to be more vocal from my previous leader... She's no longer in my school but I remembered that she told me to not be afraid of what other people may think of myself when I work with people.. yes, i remembered that... because she knows about my physical appearance who's too timid to be doing the big job as her assistant at that time... so learnt from her... I guess I may have been too carried away with that, and it didn't prove to be something good in the long run...

Now, I have to adapt to new situation, with new people, but with the same responsibility and even much more than before... I was advised to delegate the tasks among members and not do the work alone as it will be too much pressure and I tend to get boiled up with my emotions... and thank you for bringing up the subject... and caring for my own good personal change... It's high time that people realize that I have lots of duties that I have to fulfill and carry out... and yet, it still burdens me when I'm trying to get settled down with one (still learning) and I was given other tasks that need my attention too...

A need for change.. It is now a hunger to be a better person...

Oh Allah the Mighty Creator of mankind... please give me strength... Ya Allah, berikan aku ketabahan dan ketenangan dalam menempuhi ujian ini... Ya Rahman... Ya Rahiim... Ya Zal Jalali Wal Ikram... Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum...