Stars....

What I'm posting here is just something that I felt at the moment.. Well, if you don't feel like reading it.. then don't..

When I got back home after doing a little bit of shopping with my guy friends, I looked up at the night sky.. Beautiful.... The stars... Yes, I can see the stars..

Lovely.. Hmm... It reminds me of the movie 'Stardust'.. I guess that had an impact on me as it is a tale about love and relationship and sacrifices for the one we love. Well, that's what was in the movie.. I just don't know when I will find my 'Star'.

I know that when I look at the stars it will remind me about that someone...who seemed so far away.. yet so close...ahh... just forget about him.. I guess he's mind is somewhere else now.. perhaps thinking about that special someone....or the little people... hehe..

If only one can understand how much effort another person has put in to keep the relationship healthy and well.. then both parties will be able to appreciate and cherish the love that will grow day by day.. like a plant - that needs food and shelter, sunlight and water to stay alive.. and of course enough nutrients that can supplement the growth to be having shiny leaves and bear beautiful flowers when the time comes.. keeping it in a safe condition away from weed and other pests.. It's a two-way thing.. give and take.. when we water the plants and give enough sunlight, the plants will have more hope of living and wanted to stay alive and be happy with its habitat as well as its surroundings.. but if we don't and instead be 'lazy' and not keeping it well-maintained, then chances are.. it will feel that there's no hope of being happy anymore..

People say things as they want to say.. but they didn't know that what they have said may hurt someone else.. and you cannot take back what you've said.. it makes someone feel worthless as the conditions were put to the very first..

Hmmm.... just letting out what's really bothering me at the moment..

The truth... hurts.... the lies... worse!!

Two people, A and B had a conversation...
They were talking about relationships between a man and a woman..
B asked a critical question to A.. "Do you love her?"... referring to a lady C who was not around during the time of conversation..
A moment of silence...
Then, A replied..."Hmm... I know it sounds crazy.. but if she's not around, then I will.."
B asked again.. "What do you mean by that?"
A's response.. "Well, I mean if she's not here in the same place as I am at the moment and not working together.."
B smiled...

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How about lady C?
How would she feel if she found out about this?
Wouldn't those words be a heartbreaker for her...?
Will she be able to accept him, knowing the fact that he's put a certain 'condition' in order to be in a relationship with him?
Knowing the fact that she will only be accepted by him if she's not there... really.. I'm sure will break her heart..

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This is (I think) wasn't a rational thing... It may create problems when people are dealt with this kind of situation. I thought Love is Unconditional.. I remembered the beautiful lines from the movie Stardust, "Love is unconditional.. it is unpredictable.."

But how could one man say such words..?
All I read and my understanding about love is that, you will not look or judge the physical state of that person, as what's important is the heart.

If A says that he will love C if C is not around, then what happens if C is no longer there? I mean A will only keep his 'secretive' love towards C and will only reveal it after C left.
Will C return to him? What if C never comes back....? How will A feel?
Will he regret his decisions, as what he's told B?
What if C never knows about this and left and never to return..?

Hmmm....

love... or....

There are some things in life that you are not expecting as you thought that it would not be possible. Well, I'm going through a phase in which I beginning to feel that I am really confused as to whether what I am feeling is the whole truth or just something that I thought I would not want to go through. Huh... this is really confusing... sigh... how do I put this in proper words.

I'm confused whether it is love or loathe... I just don't know which one. A friend of mine said to me, "it is either love or hate ~ like Faizal Tahir's BenCinta".. Owh.. really, that makes me want to listen to that song more often.. and I kinda liked it.. a lot!! LoL..

So, what is actually going on... ? I just have no idea.. which makes me want to isolate myself from others so as not to make the others feel the vibes that I'm having at the moment or be hurt by those negative emotions that I'm bringing to them.. Ya Allah.. Tolonglah hamba mu ini.. Mohon ketenangan dan yang terbaik untuk hamba mu ini dan orang-orang di sekeliling.. Amiin..

time....

Today, two of my former students came to our school for a 1 month observation. They will be in our school as a requirement for their third-year UBD course on education as Assistant Teacher or Observation TP students. I saw them when I was in UBD a few years back and now they are back in school as "future teachers" and not as students anymore.. :)

I never have thought that they would want to be teachers.. Well, I've taught them since they were in Form 1 until Form 5!! For 5 years they have been wonderful students who actually put in a lot of their efforts being students. I've taught them two subjects, Mathematics and Science and I've been their class teacher twice and our class actually WON the First Class Cleanliness Competition while in 4 Science. I am really, very proud of them!! Alhamdulillah..

Now they've grown up as young adults in their 20s and that I'm beginning to feel a bit 'old' for my age as compared to theirs.. hehehe.. But the knowledge is never old.. It will still remain as it is while other information has gone history.. Keep up the good work, Cikgu.. There are still more to learn..

care...

What hurts the most… was being so close…

Hmm…. Well, that song is really haunting.. yup, seems like it is taking me back to what happened several years ago… that time when I thought love was all beautiful and makes two people happy all the time.. haha.. but that wasn’t all sweet.

Sometimes when we meet people, we talk and try to get to know that person… and we thought we know that person well.. but there’s always something that we will not know about them.. their past.. yeah, it’s true that people will try to dig into somebody’s past without them knowing that they were being investigated. I guess these people are so nosey and just never learn their lesson of interfering other people’s business. What if that happens to themselves? I’m sure they would disapprove of what people would do to them, right? So, it is up to the individual to keep his/her past be their own history. What am I trying to write here… hmm…

Though there are friends who cared for us, there will be a few people within the circle who are very ‘concerned’ with what we are doing and who we are going out with. Yes, I mean in very great details.. LoL… and they always disagree and seemed to have the power to control our actions.. I just have no idea how they are able to do that.

Back to that song.. it’s been many times that people were hurt emotionally by love.. and I admit being in those situations when I thought I can build happiness with someone.. but through the many times.. I was always so close to let my parents know that I’ve met the right one.. well, of course each one of them asked permission to bring me out on several dates.. it is just that when the time comes when I asked what the status of the relationship.. they can’t decide and left.. It was all so sad and surprisingly.. after they left, they tied the knot with somebody else. Hmm… but they still wanted to keep the friendship.. which I doubted that they would.. none of them send raya cards or birthday greetings or just say hi anymore.. I can understand that of course.. no worries.. I’m happy for them..

It was not easy for me to handle those situations but I had to.. I had to be strong to be able to get up and forget everything.. people looked at me with those funny looks as if I’m guilty and I deserved all those that happened.. I’ve been hearing all sorts of nonsense which I thought as their ‘attack’ weapon, just to make me weak and give up.. that was what hurts me the most.. I almost gave up on my friends as I do not know who to trust during those times.. I guess now I understand and it is so hard to even believe that the best of friends can be the best enemies.. They know you too well that they can make you fall to the lowest trench..

Sometimes we hear something that we thought was true but it was just a rumour.. so, we cannot just accept what we hear from other people without knowing the real situation. And please don’t dig into somebody else’s past if you want to build a special kind of relationship with someone you love or care.. We don’t want to build the future with what was in the past.. what is important now is the present.. people change and they reflect on what their past… but they do not want to be in the past or be living the past.. they also want to be happy in the future with the present foundations and what they have now.

.. to speak in public....

Today has been a very busy day for us in school as we have been visited by our own Minister. We were only told yesterday morning that the Minister will visit our school and we felt that it wasn't long ago that he visited our school.. if I'm not mistaken, it was in 2006. Well, yesterday was really hectic as we had to make preparations for the itinerary of the visit, all the necessary information to be shared to students, moreover, today is a CCA Sports for all students... Everybody will be busy with sports activities and wouldn't expect any visits by the officials from the Ministry.

A contact time was conducted by our newly appointed Deputy Principal who is still new to our school and the admin team had to prepare a lot of things such as giving information to all staffs about the visit, call all heads of departments and heads of units for an urgent meeting regarding all the necessary things that needed to be prepared. Yesterday afternoon I had to cancel my Afternoon class for Mathematics and Additional Mathematics as I was invited to give a briefing and facilitate a workshop in one of the primary school in KB about the results of the NSSCME for that particular school. I didn't get the chance to help out in school about the visit. The workshop finished at 4.20 p.m. and I had to rush back to school to see what's going on.

I arrived in school at 4.30 p.m. sharp and went to my desk. The deputy principal told me that I don't have to prepare the programme as they have prepared it while I was away and they only need me to prepare the exam results analysis for the BGCE O Level, PMB and NSSCME. And one more thing I was told that I had to be the emcee for the visit.. Which really made me startled.. Oh gosh.. what will I say to the Minister?? All sorts of questions in my mind but never mind.. I had to go through all of this. I had to be patience and stay calm.

I stayed in school to prepare the exam analysis and also the NSSCME reports for our school.. but I didn't have the time to prepare my scripts.. until about 7.00 p.m. where only the Principal and myself were still in school. It was dark and we didn't realize the time had passed... We left school at 7.00 p.m.

I went back home and took my shower.. and then I started to think about my scripts.. well, I hadn't got time to do it earlier.. at about 8.00 p.m. I began my first sentence.... I had to look for the correct names for the officers and I had to ask my mom where she had kept all the programmes that I have been collecting for the past 10 years or so from invitations and others.. She told me where there were and I found it.. Alhamdulillah.. Thanks to my beloved Mom.. :) Love her so much...

I got so eager to write up the scripts with all the given info's and everything that I needed. Finally I got the drafts ready to be shown to the Principal for approval.. Quite nervous as I don't have any idea who will be present today.. Hmm...

After waiting for about 20 minutes in the conference room, the guests arrived and I started the event with the scripts that have been edited and approved by the higher authorities. Alhamdulillah, everything went well and that was for me one of the biggest challenge for me, i.e. to overcome my fears to speak in public... well, there'll be another one next week.. I've just received the invitation this morning from the HRD.. Insyallah.. Then followed by the conference that I'll be presenting a joint paper with my former UBD supervisor... that will be another challenge for me... Hopefully, I can prepare myself with all sorts of answers that will help me to overcome my 'nervousness'...

Habit..???

Have you ever been in a situation where there will be somebody in your circle of friends or relatives who always want to ‘control’ your every move? Always keeping an eye on you and trying to make rules by giving lots of don’ts either spoken or by actions with one of the five senses..

I remembered that I’ve read an article by one of the motivational expert which mentioned about one who thinks that he/she cares about somebody but in fact he/she is just a nuisance and just too much of a busy body… Yup, that’s right.. “Kadang-kadang kita rasa kita prihatin pada orang lain, sebenarnya orang akan nampak kita ‘mengada-ngada’ dan ‘ter-over’ pulak. Rimas jugak dibuatnya..”

It seems too much when someone just simply say things that he/she thought might make a good ‘joke’ to cheer somebody up but it isn’t.. and in fact he/she has actually hurt somebody’s feelings by trying to ‘fix’ things as he/she pleases.. Will that do good to anyone?

Sometimes being ‘passive’ towards ones jokes may mean nothing to somebody but most of the time if the person who has been too ‘dormant’ towards one’s unnecessary jokes, might ‘erupt’ like a big volcanic explosion.. if that person could not handle those jokes anymore. Who is to be blamed for all that? I’m sure that person who makes those jokes would simply say things to ‘save’ him/herself and doesn’t want to make a ‘fool’ of him/herself. So, keep those words ‘unspoken’, or otherwise, people don’t want to get ‘fooled’ by those ‘jokers’.

I have always been reminding myself not to talk too much as I am not much of a talker.. but I will only talk when I need to talk.. Sometimes being a reserved person, helps one to be a better thinker and speak when necessary. The ideas will be more original and not of a ‘nonsense’ kind of issues. However, it does not mean that all ideas will be accepted. Usually those who speak the most will want EVERYBODY to listen to his/her ideas and try to manipulate other people’s ideas. That makes a person wanting to be a boss and wants others to accept and recognise that he/she is able to lead.. well, in an ‘instructive’ kind of way of being bossy. Not all will be fond of that kind of ‘intelligence’.

It is surprising that when one is given the authority to lead, he/she would tend to ‘boss’ people around by making people do things for him/her, even to the extreme of doing him/her a favour which is not supposed to be in one’s line of duty.. just for the sake of not wanting that person to say bad things.. Who’s going to pay for that ‘extra’ job? I just wonder… I guess if one is already used to ask people to do things for him/her, it becomes a ‘habit’ that he/she cannot live without and it sometimes comes from how that person was brought up.. hmm… maybe those who has been staying in a well-off mansion for many years or perhaps those who pays people to do everything for them for so many years and got used to it like a common custom. LoL..

With all these happening to someone everyday, it is just so unpleasant and that one gets too stressed out when somebody is trying to ‘help’ someone by getting involved in someone’s personal choice or relationship. This is wayyyy tooo much… a person who is ‘busy body’ and a ‘know how’ !!! Oh no!! This shouldn’t be happening…. But it does happen…