Tears... rolling down....

It's the third day of my holidays.... and I just stayed home... relaxing my foot which is still not fully recovered after the incident.. well, I just hope I got the right treatment from the clinic.. usaha..

I've been doing nothing eversince I started my leave, celebrating the New Hijrah Year 1431 Hijrah.. the very new beginning of the Islamic Calendar year.. which should be celebrated by all Muslims around the world as it is such a grand event... during which in history it was the major move from the Holy city of Mekkah to the Madinah... something that all muslims should remember and learn from hijrah... I stayed home during that event but nevertheless I still perform solat, the Do'a Akhir Tahun and Do'a Awal Tahun as it is the time where we should be praying... well, most of the time we should always say our Do'a.. no matter when or what happens.. it is also mentioned in the titah by His Majesty that we should always pray and say out our do'a...

For the three days that I'm staying home, my activity for each day is surfing the internet... well, I did that as I had to search for something that would benefit me in the future.. but nonetheless, I also played games in facebook just to release the tension from doing nothing at home.. hehe..
Never expected that I would spend most of my time in front of my laptop and be addicted to it..
yeah... I need to stop this habit.. well, for the time being I need to write up something that should be of more benefit to myself as an individual who's still trying to figure out what I would undertake in the future... hmm.... I need to start somewhere...

My mornings had been reading the Quran after solat subuh... then, I stayed up and surf the net to look for resources... in which within that I logged into my facebook account and my msn messenger..huh...it becomes habitual...ermm.... need to stop that fb-ing and msn-ing...errrgggghhh....

Yeah I truly need to prepare the writeup otherwise no one will read it and I wouldn't be accepted... hmm... eversince I had no one to talk to lately, it felt like nobody cares anymore...but...ummm.... never mind... I guess it's just my thoughts... everybody's busy... i guess... hmm... in this holiday season??? hmm... ahh... let them...

Didn't make much contact with friends now... maybe they do need time to be alone and perhaps with their families.. and I'm always home with my parents... breakfast, lunch and dinner with them as usual... :)

This afternoon, I had lunch with my parents and my brother.. all of the sudden, my dad asked if I've applied the housing or land scheme.. and i said yes, 9 year ago... owh... and he thought that if I hadn't applied it, he would want to put the land under my name... then..umm.. ok, just put it under my mum's, and also the land in kampung.. that makes me really sad to hear that... and I was almost in tears.... when he talked about his conditions and so on... it really is something we didn't expect to hear from him... oh no... Ya Allah... kuatkan lah semangat ku...tabahkan hati kami sekeluarga.... Amiin.....

Movie and reunion....

Yesterday I was really bored at work.. don't know why... and i had headache when i started typing my 100 hour psd hehehe.. I guess i need to take a break from work....
Chat with my friend on facebook and i asked if she would like to join me to watch the movie. I told her that I just want to get away from work and do things that I would like to do as if i'm on holidays heheh.. and she agreed.. Love her for that :)
we watched the movie together with a group of little prince and princesses... enjoyed the movie though once or twice i did close my eyes due to the fact that i was tired from work...
Had dinner before we watched the movie... and I met my student with her family.. what a small world hehe...
after dinner i managed to get myself some clothes to wear for the reunion with the MD batch 92/93.
after dinner, watched the movie, then we proceed to check in at the LR Asma Hotel.. it was after 12 midnight that i went to bed, couldn't sleep earlier... yet i don't want to think too much...
woke up around 7 am and got out of bed, took shower and got dressed.. my friend had to leave early this morning as she had to go to the fish market and buy necessities for making the meal for lunch...
i went out to get my 'brunch' around 10 am.. ate wet seafood kuey tiaw at the usual place... hehe
i actually wanted to watch another movie at the cinema but i had to change my plan as it was already almost 12.30 noon and i've promised to meet my other friend to go together to the reunion.
i remembered that i had to check out of the room by 2 pm.. and so i went back to the hotel for dzuhur prayers and packed my things. getting ready for the reunion.. got dressed and i asked my friend to meet me somewhere near Hua Ho Sengkurong.. i checked out at 2.15 pm and i drove my lexus to meet my friend at the meeting place.
We went to the reunion together and we had great time meeting our other friends after 17 years of not meeting each other after we left school to pursue further studies. A lot of people changed after 17 years, most are married with kids and there are still a few (including myself) who are still single. hehe.. no worries lah... :)
We planned to have another reunion next year just to meet up and catch up with current happenings and what we are doing at the moment. InsyaAllah we'll be having another reunion in three years time for the 20th anniversary.. Hoping for much bigger event and a lot more fun, by perhaps inviting our juniors and seniors as well (including my two brothers eheh)..
got back home around 7.20 pm in the evening..
hmm.... tomorrow is monday,.. working day again.. had to get up early and get to work early.

"It's your fault... You are to be blamed... It's all because of you!!!"
"You make the same mistakes over and over again!!"
"You never learn from your mistakes!!!"

Have you ever been in this situation? I mean for most of the time?

It felt bad and feeling worthless, useless and very, very bad... A big boulder hitting on one person...

When all fingers are pointing at you, it is obvious that one particular person is being punished. It seems wrong to express your emotions to others when being in this situation. One really wants to runaway as far as one can run and let everybody win by getting oneself guilty and punished for whatever reasons that maybe...

Yes, that one person knows the story very well, and that one person hides it well not to even let others close to that one person to know what actually happened... That one person has no one to turn to... but weep and cry by oneself without letting others share the pain... and the One and Only Allah Knows what's bothering oneself... praying that all the things that happened will eventually settle down and everybody's happy... sacrificing one's happiness for the sake of others. Have the others noticed how one has made sacrifices, to one's family, to one's brothers and sisters, to one's best friends, to one's bosses at work?

All that one needs is love and care from those that one loves and cares. Going to the trouble of getting one's sister's children to be able to get diapers, milk for the infants, pay for the maid, pay for the car fuel, the house and so on... For the ones that he/she loves, one sacrificed everything and not a single cent was returned, but one knows for sure that one's sister loves and cares for one's well being... Helping one's brother to pay for the car maintenance, loans and so on... It is the sacrifice that was being made for care and love of siblings..

However, what one gets from friends are different from what family loves and cares... instead, all one get is being blamed and asked to change most of the time.... It sure turned one to be more depressed as all looked into the bad things, ignoring the good things in one person. As one may say, people will not remember all the good things that one did, but will never forget one biggest bad mistake that one did...

One has to be patient....