Hmm.. I've been counting the days.. after recovering from depression that I've had since 2004. All these while it's been so difficult for me to manage my state of health. Now I believe that to be happy, we need to take care of ourselves before others and I always put others first, which is actually my weakness. Letting go of the one person that I love was the most terrible thing that I did. I've never expected that I would suffer a very great loss in my life. Maybe it was not meant to be... I gave up on him just because he was seeing somebody else.. I thought maybe he wasn't happy to be with me that made him do such a thing.. and that I wasn't spending much time with him. Sad.. Yeah.. the relationship wasn't meant to be.. :( All these things make me think about what I've been through in life.. I'm still finding life so complicated when we have to deal with relationships and breakups.. So, i'm still counting the days when I will find the one special guy.. Insyallah.. :)
I met with several of my old friends, classmates and even former students asking me the one particular question, i.e. marriage. Well, most of my former students are happily engaged, a few are already married with several kids now, and almost all of them are attached with someone special. I can count only a handful of my friends who are not married and not yet attached to somebody. Everybody would say that the single ladies are all choosy or ignorant, or just don't bother to get into a relationship. Wrong answer!!! We are only human and we need someone to love and take care of us. We also have feelings and it's kinda sad if people mistakenly thought that we are those who never smile at other people or not friendly with others. They never know that deep down inside every single lady is a kind heart, a caring soul who would never give up trying to get people to understand their nature. It is as if watching a movie where only the popular girls would be asked out on a date, while those unpopular ones who only read books and very shy would not be asked (or perhaps guys would not want to date them). So, do you think that these unpopular girls are choosy? or.... let me see... who's the one being choosy? Good question, right?
Like most of the time when friends come over to comfort you after you have settled down or you're done with the breakup issue, they raised the issue that you are the one having the problem and not the guy or vice versa. Well, does that mean if the guys who broke up with you got married after dumping you, the fault comes from you.. Poor thing!! It is sad when people make judgements about other people. But does those people who judges, knows what's going on and what actually happened? It's not easy to make or please people. They only thought that if a guy dumps a girl, then when either one of them marries another person, the other single person who stays unattached with anyone, is the one who's at fault. Of course, either one of them is happy or perhaps both of them are happy. But people usually look at the one who stays single as being choosy. Ah... what am I writing here...???
I guess I'm just too stressed out and I'm still counting the days when I finally get to marry the one who loves me for the rest of my life... :)
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Interesting... really enjoyed...
Interesting.... Today I'm a bit happier than I was yesterday. Well, as usual I'm teaching in the morning and during break I received a phone call. I thought it was from my ubd supervisor but to my surprise it was from the Human Resource Development, MoE.
I have no idea what they wanted but they asked me to attend some sort of interview at 2.30 p.m. at the MoE, Berakas. I asked what it was about, but they said nothing, just want to ask you about something and I was totally blank.. Should I bring anything? They said I do not need to bring anything, just be there on time. If I cannot make it on that day, they asked me to give them a call anytime.. Wow!! What's so important about this??? I just haven't any clue!!! Again clueless..
Not long after, I received a text message from my colleague who were in the Melbourne trip, saying that she too had to go there tomorrow. So, automatically I thought that this MUST be something to do with the NSSCME project that we were involved in last year. I told her not to worry, it should be something to do with our next presentation in a Primary school which is scheduled on Wednesday, next week. I asked if the others received that call, and they didn't... (that makes me think...)
So, I called my colleague and she thought it is either the project, or another project, or scholarship... but I haven't applied for that yet.. Haven't got the time to write the proposal and look for the right Uni, but I still have that in mind. hmm... again that left me thinking.. well, I'm a 'heavy' thinker.. yup, True!! and that makes me worry too much.. which is actually not good for the mind and heart. Hope it is just another project and not.. a position there... hahaha... see.. my mind is so actively thinking of something else right now..
I had to drive all the way from KB to meet my supervisor to discuss about the abstract for the conference. On the way, I stopped at Express, Tutong and there I met with my old friends from university. Wow, it's been a while I haven't seen them. Really missed them. Chat with them for half an hour while drinking my choc milk shake.. hehe..
Went to the Jame' Asr to perform my solat dzuhur and there I met with my niece (my cousin's daughter) and her friends who were my former student. They had completed their A levels in Institute Tahfiz AlQuran and still awaiting for being called to enter the university. They have grown up so fast and they looked more mature now and I felt so "small" compared to them.. Hmm... yeah, my niece scored two A levels which is Al-Quran and Mathematics.. that's really good.. I really envy her, coz she's very good in Al-Quran. Alhamdulillah.. I remember teaching the other student "Thinking Skills" which is a very good exposure to how to organise thinking and also managing thinking so that one can do well in their studies as well as in an organization.
Went back home after taking a parcel from my brother who is a member of the LSCB and to be sent to my other brother in KB who is also a big fan of that club. hehehe..
Look at the time.. it is already 12.46 a.m. and I've just finished preparing the relief for tomorrow. I wonder what the meeting at moe will be.. hmm... So, just wait and see..
I have no idea what they wanted but they asked me to attend some sort of interview at 2.30 p.m. at the MoE, Berakas. I asked what it was about, but they said nothing, just want to ask you about something and I was totally blank.. Should I bring anything? They said I do not need to bring anything, just be there on time. If I cannot make it on that day, they asked me to give them a call anytime.. Wow!! What's so important about this??? I just haven't any clue!!! Again clueless..
Not long after, I received a text message from my colleague who were in the Melbourne trip, saying that she too had to go there tomorrow. So, automatically I thought that this MUST be something to do with the NSSCME project that we were involved in last year. I told her not to worry, it should be something to do with our next presentation in a Primary school which is scheduled on Wednesday, next week. I asked if the others received that call, and they didn't... (that makes me think...)
So, I called my colleague and she thought it is either the project, or another project, or scholarship... but I haven't applied for that yet.. Haven't got the time to write the proposal and look for the right Uni, but I still have that in mind. hmm... again that left me thinking.. well, I'm a 'heavy' thinker.. yup, True!! and that makes me worry too much.. which is actually not good for the mind and heart. Hope it is just another project and not.. a position there... hahaha... see.. my mind is so actively thinking of something else right now..
I had to drive all the way from KB to meet my supervisor to discuss about the abstract for the conference. On the way, I stopped at Express, Tutong and there I met with my old friends from university. Wow, it's been a while I haven't seen them. Really missed them. Chat with them for half an hour while drinking my choc milk shake.. hehe..
Went to the Jame' Asr to perform my solat dzuhur and there I met with my niece (my cousin's daughter) and her friends who were my former student. They had completed their A levels in Institute Tahfiz AlQuran and still awaiting for being called to enter the university. They have grown up so fast and they looked more mature now and I felt so "small" compared to them.. Hmm... yeah, my niece scored two A levels which is Al-Quran and Mathematics.. that's really good.. I really envy her, coz she's very good in Al-Quran. Alhamdulillah.. I remember teaching the other student "Thinking Skills" which is a very good exposure to how to organise thinking and also managing thinking so that one can do well in their studies as well as in an organization.
Went back home after taking a parcel from my brother who is a member of the LSCB and to be sent to my other brother in KB who is also a big fan of that club. hehehe..
Look at the time.. it is already 12.46 a.m. and I've just finished preparing the relief for tomorrow. I wonder what the meeting at moe will be.. hmm... So, just wait and see..
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
........blank......
It wasn't really the best day to day for me as I had been told of several things...
Hmm... I guess it will be one of those unfavourable years again for me.. :(
When I think about all the work that I've done and whatever they really meant to me, it somehow doesn't meet my own objectives of being a teacher. Not that I'm not doing the profession, it is just that most of my time was spent on doing other duties besides teaching, i.e the work in the administration. Starting from relief work, to preparing timetable, preparing exam and test timetables.. preparing timetable for the UBD trainees, timetable for the Relief teachers, schedules of students, classrooms, library, PE, Science labs, checking the salaries of relief teachers and so on. The list goes on and on... and more coming soon.. when the time comes... sigh....
I really, really do hope that there will be somebody else to assist me in my duties as I know that I cannot do all the job at once. It feels like the work is coming on to me.... that is really scary!!!!
So, I cannot say that I can be happy or feel happy for what I am doing right now. But I always enjoy teaching as it is my profession and that is the only reason for me to take the course in UBD in the first place, i.e. BSc Education.. and I really love Mathematics. It never occurred to me that I'll be offered to do other duties other than teaching and with only 5 years teaching I was already being the senior mistress academic.. I thought that it was quite sudden and I felt that I wasn't ready to take up that position.. All I know is that 5 years experience was only very little knowledge being a teacher which I understand was 0 - 5 years teaching experience for beginning teachers, and only after 6 - 10 years experience for practicing teachers and then grows from there.. better experienced teachers. I was not even 25 years old when I was appointed to be the senior mistress academic and I know at that time I needed to further my studies.
So, I got the opportunity to further take up my Masters in education in UBD and I was very happy with that decision. But when I returned back after studying, I was given more and more duties which they say "berbaloi dengan gaji yang diperolehi"... Hmmm..... I thought.. maybe it is.. but does that include "berbaloi" with time to spend with family and friends and loved ones.. I guess not.. I lost most of those valuable time because I had to spend most of my time in the office till around 6 pm and that I got used to being a workaholic.. when do I get to be happy with my life, yeah I mean my own time.. well, the only answer is... taking a vacation.. but that does not work..
During vacations, I always (I mean never missed) receving calls and text messages asking me about the school work and especially exam results... I guess maybe they thought that a single lady like me do not have other things to do besides WORK... hahahahaha...
Oh No!! I'm so tired of being ignored of my wishes.. The work keeps coming back to me... Ya Allah... tolong lah hamba Mu ini...
Just a thought... and I guess I'm just too emo today.. well, lots of things in my mind..
Will write something else soon..
Hmm... I guess it will be one of those unfavourable years again for me.. :(
When I think about all the work that I've done and whatever they really meant to me, it somehow doesn't meet my own objectives of being a teacher. Not that I'm not doing the profession, it is just that most of my time was spent on doing other duties besides teaching, i.e the work in the administration. Starting from relief work, to preparing timetable, preparing exam and test timetables.. preparing timetable for the UBD trainees, timetable for the Relief teachers, schedules of students, classrooms, library, PE, Science labs, checking the salaries of relief teachers and so on. The list goes on and on... and more coming soon.. when the time comes... sigh....
I really, really do hope that there will be somebody else to assist me in my duties as I know that I cannot do all the job at once. It feels like the work is coming on to me.... that is really scary!!!!
So, I cannot say that I can be happy or feel happy for what I am doing right now. But I always enjoy teaching as it is my profession and that is the only reason for me to take the course in UBD in the first place, i.e. BSc Education.. and I really love Mathematics. It never occurred to me that I'll be offered to do other duties other than teaching and with only 5 years teaching I was already being the senior mistress academic.. I thought that it was quite sudden and I felt that I wasn't ready to take up that position.. All I know is that 5 years experience was only very little knowledge being a teacher which I understand was 0 - 5 years teaching experience for beginning teachers, and only after 6 - 10 years experience for practicing teachers and then grows from there.. better experienced teachers. I was not even 25 years old when I was appointed to be the senior mistress academic and I know at that time I needed to further my studies.
So, I got the opportunity to further take up my Masters in education in UBD and I was very happy with that decision. But when I returned back after studying, I was given more and more duties which they say "berbaloi dengan gaji yang diperolehi"... Hmmm..... I thought.. maybe it is.. but does that include "berbaloi" with time to spend with family and friends and loved ones.. I guess not.. I lost most of those valuable time because I had to spend most of my time in the office till around 6 pm and that I got used to being a workaholic.. when do I get to be happy with my life, yeah I mean my own time.. well, the only answer is... taking a vacation.. but that does not work..
During vacations, I always (I mean never missed) receving calls and text messages asking me about the school work and especially exam results... I guess maybe they thought that a single lady like me do not have other things to do besides WORK... hahahahaha...
Oh No!! I'm so tired of being ignored of my wishes.. The work keeps coming back to me... Ya Allah... tolong lah hamba Mu ini...
Just a thought... and I guess I'm just too emo today.. well, lots of things in my mind..
Will write something else soon..
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